


Light in Me

by sergeantsarcastit



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 10:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10717707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sergeantsarcastit/pseuds/sergeantsarcastit
Summary: Meet Sarah Hunter, a sarcastic teenager living in Manhattan with her three best friends, Kasey Miles, Griffin Jones and Toby Smith.From their routine visit to the local café everyday after school, to a drunk-juggling-hobo who lives in an alley, the four teens live a contented life. But things won’t always go their way.What happens when Sarah begins to develop feelings for Griffin, her best friend since she can remember?Will the group be able to get Sarah through a difficult time, together?Join the gang in an enlightening trip to Paris, a disastrous airport debacle, touching moments, and a show - stopping soccer game - where they will experience heartbreak, jealousy, friendship and love.“They say life is like a rollercoaster. It has it’s ups and downs. But it’s your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first book, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

“Sarah, dude, check out that girl. 12 o’clock.”  
I looked up from my book to find my flustered friend sitting across from me, kicking at my legs furiously.  
“Wait that’s 12 o’clock for me, not you. Or does it work both ways?” she let out a frustrated groan, “Whatever! Just look behind you!”  
I dog-eared the page I was on and started to turn around.  
“Wait don’t look now; she’s looking!” Kasey sank low in her seat and pulled her hat down to cover her face.  
Apparently I was too late because I had already turned my head and made eye contact with a girl sitting a few rows back from us on the subway. I hurredly looked back at Kasey and could feel my cheeks redden.  
“Kase! I just stared directly into that girls soul! She probably thinks I’m a creep!”  
Kasey’s shoulders were shaking with laughter as we both breathed deeply for a few seconds to calm down. 

“She’s totally your type, though.” I said when I had recovered. The girl was short, but not too short, and she was blonde. She was cute, I thought. Perfect for Kasey. Kasey Miles, one of my best friends who I respected immensly, was openly gay. That took guts, let me tell you, to come out willingly, especially at a school like Sugar Maple High, because - what would a school be without bullying? But Kasey doesn’t take any of it. That’s why I admire her so much. She has the courage to stand up for herself, shutting down the close-minded morons brave enough to question her. I, of course, being her best friend, couldn’t care less if she was gay or not. I cared for her as a person and something like that could never change my mind. 

“Nice style,” Kasey mumbled as she shamelessly flirted from a distance. She tore her eyes away and squinted at me. “Wish I could say the same for you, S, I swear you always wear the same clothes.”  
I scoffed and looked down at my socks and birkenstocks.  
“Hey, at least I’m comfortable. What’s the point in dressing all swishy for school, anyway? In fact, I am strongly against those who do.” I said with a sarcastic nod of finality. Kasey just laughed and shook her head at me.  
“And says the one who wears baseball hats indoors and when its not even sunny!”  
Kasey narrowed her eyes and self conciously adjusted the cap sitting on her sleek brown hair.  
“Touche” she said with a cheeky smile. I grinned at her and went back to my book while she watched the sugar maple trees pass by in fast motion outside the window. 

 

***

The train eventually slowed to a jerky stop at the station near SMH. Kasey and I were among the few students at school this early on a Monday morning making our way to the soccer field to watch the practice. Because we deemed ourselves as loyal Sugar Maple Shadow fans. And because our two other friends, Griffin Jones and Toby Smith were players on the team – star players, if they do say so themselves. We were obviously there on our own accord, definitely not because they bribed us with free drinks at The Grind, our favourite coffee shop. 

“Are free coffees really worth being up at the buttcrack of dawn just to watch sweaty boys kick a ball around a field?” Kasey complained.  
I glanced at her with a blank expression, to which she replied with a sigh, because she of all people knew how much I treasured that after school coffee, after a long day of school. Especially now that we’re seniors. 

“They are our friends, Kasey. We do nice things for friends. Also if we do something for them then it’s like they are obliged to do something for us. See where I’m going with this?” I joked. “And I’m not just talking about the free coffee.” Kasey raised an eyebrow and scoffed, turning back to the game. 

A few minutes later, I was about to take out my book when I heard my name being called. I looked up and squinted down at the field, to see Griffin grinning and waving like a moron. I laughed and waved back slightly less enthusiastically.  
I had known Griffin since we were in diapers, as our parents were close friends when they were at school. Griffin and I ended up going to the same school and living in the same building (along with Kasey) rendering us best friends, with Kasey and Toby tagging along ever since grade school. 

I watched as the boys warmed up before drills, while Kasey continued to complain about how early and cold it was. I suspiciously felt my cheeks heat up as Griffin bent over to stretch. I confusedly turned away and focused on Toby kicking the ball to another player a few metres away.

The temperature eased as the morning progressed, and the shivering had ceased to only when the wind blew. The boys soon finished their practice, and with a final wave, they made their way to the showers to freshen up before classes started.

 

*** 

“So I’m sitting there with one shoe on, a half eaten taco in my hand, and the baby is speaking Russian,” we all laughed as Toby told us about his weekend.

We were sitting in The Grind with our jackets on the back of our chairs soaking in the warmth of the heated room; a nice break from the freezing breeze outside. As I sipped on my coffee I glanced over at Griffin and smiled. I missed him this weekend as he had visited his sister just out of the city. As he listened to Toby’s story, he had a slight smirk on his face and I could see the sparkle in his eyes. His cheeks were rosy due to the warm drink. He was the kind of person who was so nice to just sit and admire. He must’ve felt me staring because he turned his head and locked eyes with me and winked.

“Wanna go outside for a bit?” he leaned forward and whispered to me as Toby continued his story while Kasey listened intently. I nodded and we picked up our jackets. 

We were soon hit by the cold afternoon air, causing my skin to errupt in goosebumps. Griffin pulled me into a hug and rubbed my arms, trying to warm me up.  
“I feel like I havent seen you in ages, Seh,” he breathed into my hair. I smiled and breathed in his scent as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed.  
“Are you excited about the Paris trip?” He asked me as we leant against the wall of The Grind.  
“Hell yeah dude. But I need to get on my dad’s good side, cause’ you know how he is about me being away from home for long,” I grinned. Ever since mom died, my dad has been very protective over me; reluctant to let me be out in the big world, alone. But he eventually gives in because I think he realises that I’m growing up; I need to be independent.  
“Maybe help out at the store for a bit, ya know, kiss up a little.” My dad owned a little newsagency on our block, where I sometimes worked when he needed help, or if I needed some money.  
Griffin chuckled and rubbed his hands together for warmth.  
“Yeah I’ll come by the store and keep you company if you’d like.”  
I smiled at him as he bumped his shoulder into mine. 

“Be my plane buddy? Your dad has to let you go. Paris would be so boring without you,” he joked as I rolled my eyes at him.  
“Ah yes, you would have such a terrible time without me. Life of the party, I am.”  
“Precisely. What would a school trip be without your sarcastic commentary every now and then?” He wiggled his eyebrows as I shrugged.

We stood outside, quietly watching people passing by. I felt so comfortable with Griffin. We could stand in silence, simply existing together, just enjoying each other’s company, enjoying each others warmth. That was my favourite feeling. 

The comfortable silence was suddenly interrupted by a loud burst of laughter. Griffin and I looked up to see a man in torn clothes who seemed to be clumsily juggling three old, rotten oranges on the side of the road.  
“Wow. Look at that. Roscoe juggles better drunk than I do sober. And you know how good I am at juggling.” Griffin exclaimed as I laughed at the thought of Griffin juggling.  
Roscoe, or as the locals know him as, Roscoe the Drunk-Juggling-Hobo, was an outwardly harmless, and homeless man who resided in the alleyway near The Grind. He was friendly and outgoing and was on a first name basis with us four. We waved at him and he waved back, accidentally dropping his three oranges.  
We laughed as he awkwardly picked up his oranges, tipped his imaginary hat and carried on tottering down the street, singing some unrecognizable tune. 

We were recovering from the encounter when the wind blew again, sending shivers down our spines. Griffin nodded his head towards the entrance of the café.  
“Let’s head back into the warmth, yeah? Fancy another coffee?” Griffin asked.  
I shrugged and started walking towards the door he had opened for me.  
“Sure, coffee’s on you, Griff.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Disclaimer* This chapter includes a One Direction song, called Last First Kiss. However the band has a different name in the story. Thanks, enjoy!! :)

“Honey, I’m home!” I jokingly yelled, as I entered the door to our apartment. I heard a chuckle from the kitchen.   
“Hey, S, it’s your turn for cooking week,” my dad said from the kitchen table. Since my mom died, we came up with the idea that one person cooks dinner one week, then we swap the next week – since there was only two of us.  
It was my turn this week, so I decided to make some spag bol, a classic Hunter special. 

After dinner I had a quick, warm shower and changed into my pajamas. I sat on the bench by my window with my hot chocolate. I cleared my throat and opened my book, hoping for no interruptions. But, as sung by the Rolling Stones, you can’t always get what you want.   
I was startled by a knock on the window, causing some hot chocolate to splash onto my leg. I swore and put my mug on the bedside table. I turned my head to the window and rolled my eyes when I saw Griffin shivering outside on the fire escape. The Jones’s lived in the apartment directly above us so Griffin and I would often climb up, and in this case, climb down, to each others rooms. He beamed as I opened the window ready to whack him for giving me such a fright. 

“Honestly, Seh, you should just keep your window open from now on,” he shrugged as he moved to climb into my room.   
“Honestly, Griff, you should just use the front door from now on,” I teased. I wasn’t being serious, and he knew it. We both knew how much we enjoyed how easy it was to see each other if we wanted to hang, or if we needed someone to talk to. And climbing out of the window was an exciting bonus. 

I let out a loud laugh as he clumsily tripped on the window sill, falling face first onto the floor.   
“And he stuck the landing! 10/10!” I exclaimed as I clapped.   
He stood up with a blush and a mumbled shut up.   
“Wow. Are you always this graceful?” I sarcastically asked.   
He rolled his eyes as he picked up a blanket from my bed and put it over us as he dramatically dropped onto the bench.   
“Only on Mondays.” He said with a straight face.  
He then took the cup off of the table and proceeded to drink some of my hot chocolate. Griffin was the type of person who could make himself at home anywhere. After a few more sips he put the cup down and sunk further into the cushion, making himself more comfortable.   
“Have you asked your dad about Paris yet?” he asked me.  
I explained that my dad had reluctantly agreed to a proposal that I had made during dinner, that consisted of me working every second night at the store until the trip. Griffin seemed satisfied with my answer and again, offered to entertain me while I worked.   
We enjoyed each others company while I read my book and he rested his eyes for a bit. 

The next time I woke up, I was in my bed. I yawned and coughed into my hand. I was wrapped up in blankets and the window was closed. I was alone. 

***  
*two week time skip* 

 

"Calme la classe!”   
The class immediately took their seats; silence took over the room. My french teacher sighed in relief and promptly started the day’s lesson. 

“Hopefully you are all well aware of the trip to Paris tomorrow, and I hope you are all packed and ready.” Mrs Morel said.  
She was met with a united cheer from the whole class, clearly answering her question. She then explained the transport and where we were staying and all necessary information one more time.   
“Before anyone asks, yes, you are allowed to chose who you are sitting next to on the plane.”  
Excitedly, I turned my head to Griffin, who smiled. Thank god, we can sit next to each other, I thought. 

***

Griffin, Toby and I were sitting in a booth at The Grind, after school as usual. Kasey’s mom had forced her to go last minute shopping for Paris, so she had to skip out on coffee. 

“Dude, you need to get over her,” I heard Griffin say to Toby. You see, Toby had a crush on Kasey. He has for a while. But, unfortunately for him, he is obviously far from her type. 

“Hey, Sarah, you’re a girl. You must have a lot of girlfriends. Well friends that are girls, I mean.” Toby rushed out. I stared at him and put my coffee cup down.   
“Lovely observation, Toby. Really good.” I said with a blank face, “But if you haven’t noticed yet, which, I’m sure you have, considering how observant you are,” Griffin let out a snort. “My friendship circle literally contains three people. And that’s you guys. And Kasey.” 

Toby let out a pained groan and dropped his head onto the table.  
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea, bro,” Griffin patted his back. Toby let out another wail. I took another sip of my coffee. 

“But I don’t want fish! I want Kasey!” 

I suddenly felt a tickle in my throat and let out a cough. I must be getting a cold or something.   
I rolled my eyes at Toby yet again and finished my coffee. 

***

“Cabin Crew, prepare for take-off.”

We were in the plane, just seven hours away from seeing Paris. 

I turned my head from the window of the plane and looked at Griffin. The sun was going to set soon.   
“You know, I can see the sun reflecting off your skin. And in your eyes. S’ nice.” Griffin pondered absentmindedly.

“Really?” He nodded. “What about now?” I asked as I slammed the window shade shut and made a face. Griffin rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, something about being the last time he gives me a compliment. 

“Excuse me, the shades need to be open for take-off,” a pointy-nosed air hostess pointed out in a nasaly voice. I apologised while stifling a laugh, and lifted the shade. The setting sun poured in through the windows. After she walked away, Griffin and I turned to each other and burst out laughing. My laughter soon turned into coughing. My cold must be getting worse.   
“Woah, Seh, are you okay?” Griffin put a hand on my shoulder.   
“Yeah. Just getting a cold, I think. I’m fine.” I cleared my throat as I felt a pain in my chest. I closed my eyes, letting my head rest against the back of the seat. Griffin didn’t look convinced but he eventually nodded and took his hand off my shoulder. 

The colours outside the window were amazing.   
The fading rays of the day surrounded the plane. And soon, in a matter of minutes, the sky was a mess of the purplish wash of a setting sun. 

***

I woke up a couple hours later to look out the window and see only my reflection. Which means It must still be dark outside, I thought. I turned to the boy next to me and saw that he was awake and listening to music. He looked back at me and offered me one of his earrphones. I smiled and placed it into my ear.   
Griffin was listening to a song that I didn’t know. I stealthily grabbed the phone from his lap and searched for ‘Obvious Danger’, a band I knew we both liked. Griffin nodded and took his phone back.   
“If you get to choose the band, I get to choose the song,” He said with this eyebrows raised. I closed my eyes, falling asleep again, with Last First Kiss playing in my ear. 

“Oh, we've been friends now for a while  
Wanna know, that when you smile  
Is it me? Yeah  
Are you thinking of me? Yeah  
Oh, oh  
Girl, what would you do  
Would you wanna stay?  
If I were to say…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the French if it is wrong, I used google translate! Enjoy:)

“Ahhh Bonjour belle! Comment puis-je t’aider?”   
(Hello beautiful! How may I help you?)

We had made it to Paris, and we were having a coffee break to shake off the jetlag.  
Griffin stood in line with me in a little, busy café as I ordered coffee for us while Kasey and Toby kept our table. 

“Avec plaisir! Coming right up!” the blue eyed waiter winked at me. “You are coming from ze states, no?” I politely conversed with the waiter, until Griffin reached around me, grabbed the coffees off the counter and walked over to our table. I looked back at the waiter, apologised for Griffin’s strange behaviour, payed for the coffee and made my way to the table. 

Griffin was staring at the table in a sulk while Kasey and Toby sipped their drinks.  
“Well that was rude, Griff. A bit uncalled for, don’t you think?” I dropped my bag onto the floor and plonked down into my seat.   
“Please Sarah, he was obviously flirting with you. And you were flirting back.” Griffin grumbled.  
“No I wasn’t. I was just being polite.” I pointed out. It was tensely silent for a minute. “And so what if I was anyways. Maybe I liked being the centre of a man’s attention for once in my life.”   
Griffin shook his head and I watched as his jaw clenched. He stood up, mumbling something about needing some air, and was soon out the door into the cold Paris air.

“Wonder what crawled up his bum,” I muttered as I sipped my coffee. 

“Just leave him to cool down for a few minutes. I’m sure he’ll be okay.” Toby reassured me.  
Toby and Kasey soon errupted into a heated discussion about some topic that I just couldn’t seem to be interested in at the moment. 

A while later, my coffee mug sat empty on the table, while Griffin’s sat there cold and untouched.

***

I exited the café, after telling my friends that I would be back soon. I was on a mission to find my dearest, darling friend who, for some reason, was acting like a child. But I was a good friend. And good friends do good things for their friends. Even when their friends aren’t necessarily being very good friends themselves.   
I felt the familier itching in the back of my throat and let out a couple coughs. I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter around me. Stupid cold.   
I finally saw Griffin sitting on a bench in a park, not very far from the café. He was just sitting there, watching the people walk by. I walked up to the bench and sat down next to him. I adjusted my position and hugged my knees to my chest. I heard Griffin sigh and I soon felt his arm pull me in closer.  
“I’m sorry, Seh.” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean to talk to you the way I did.”  
I didn’t say anything.   
“It’s just. I’m protective over you, you know? I care about you.” He rubbed his face.  
“It’s okay, Griff.” I whispered, soaking in his warmth. “I just think you overreacted, is all. I’m a big girl. I can handle a little conversation, you know.” I tried to make the situation lighter. It seemed to work because I heard him chuckle as he pulled me a bit closer.   
“I don’t wanna fight with you.” He whispered.  
I felt him kiss the top of my head, just like he used to do when we were younger. 

We were silent again. Needing no more than each other’s company. 

As I sat on that bench with Griffin’s arms around me, I felt a strange bubbling in my chest. I was sure I didn’t need to cough. It felt like adrenaline was being injected right into my blood stream – just enough to feel hot all over, to make my whole body tingle, even though it was cold outside. 

 

***

“I’m telling you, guys, she is my soulmate!”   
Kasey was gushing about a girl she had met in the hotel that our french class was staying in. 

It was our third day in Paris – out of seven – and we, as students, were allowed to explore the city in small groups, as long as we reported back to the hotel by our ‘curfew’. So Kasey, Toby, Griffin and I had been wondering around Paris, sight seeing and visiting the typical tourist traps. We were now on our way to the Eiffel Tower, because apparently the views were amazing at sunset.

“She has a wicked cool style, she has dimples and her sense of humour is hilarious. And she has an accent. Gosh, where has she been all my life?”   
As Kasey continued rambling, I decided to focus my attention on Griffin. He was walking with his hands in his pockets, glancing around us as we walked, taking in his surroundings. He looked so effortlessly cool. So effortlessly Griffin. He looked striking. My admiration abruptly stopped when he tripped over his own two feet. So effortlessly clumsy, it seemed. I covered my mouth as I let out a loud laugh. Griffin looked at me, his cheeks bright red.

“Sarah! Are you even listening to me?” Kasey yelped.   
I rolled my eyes and assured her that I was.   
I checked to see if Toby was still with us because he was being oddly quiet. He was staring at the ground, seemingly sadly. I guessed that it was upsetting him, hearing Kasey talking about her soulmate. He must’ve sensed me watching him, because he looked up from the ground. I offered him a reassuring smile, to which he simply responded with a shrug. 

***

“1710 steps, my ass!” Kasey exclaimed.

We had finally made it to the Eiffel Tower. However, someone had failed to mention to Kasey that we would be taking the stairs instead of the lift, because the queue was too long.   
“Come on, Kase. It’ll totally be worth it when we see the view up there,” Toby assured her.  
“I am the view.” I said matter-of-factly, causing them to roll their eyes at me.

As we were climbing the stairs, I could feel my chest start to tighten. I ignored it and kept walking. Soon, I began to wheeze with each breath in and out; chest aching. I stopped walking and held onto the hand rail, trying to ease the pain. This didn’t feel like a cold anymore.   
“I didn’t know you had asthma, Sarah?” Toby question.   
“She doesn’t.” Griffin said quickly, standing next to me and rubbing my back.  
When the wheezing had calmed down a bit, I straightened up and let go of the hand rail.

“I’m just shaking off a cold that I caught a while ago. It’s no big deal, guys.” I didn’t want my friends to worry, so I told them that I was fine, and that we should carry on walking. They all looked at me skeptically, with worry.   
“Get on my back, Seh-bear.” Griffin offered. “Until we get to the top. You should take it easy, just incase.”  
My heart swelled with appreciation for my friend. I climbed onto his back and he hooked his arms around my thighs. I blushed and linked my arms loosely around his neck.   
“Thanks, Griff.” I whispered in his ear as I patted his shoulder.

I couldn’t help but blush as Griffin carried me to the top of the tower. Even though he had carried me countless times in the past, this time somehow felt different. A good different, I thought. Our bodies being so close together radiated a comforting, yet exhilarating feeling. A feeling that I was just starting to recognise. I embraced this feeling; confusing, but at the same time, it was electric.

***

The whole of Paris was engulfed in purples, pinks and oranges, as the sun dissapeared in the distance.   
“This is breath-taking,” I said as I took in the colours around me. “And I’m not just saying that because I was wheezing a couple minutes ago.”  
“It really is something, isn’t it?” Griffin smirked, in awe as he crossed his arms against the railing, shifting his weight onto one foot.  
I was once again captivated by my best friend. I wonder why I was suddenly paying so much attention to him, thinking about him in ways I had never thought before.   
It was in this moment that I realised just what that previously unrecognisable feeling was.   
I stood still, in shock of my discovery. 

Love can appear with no warning signs. It can catch you off guard, in times and places that you couldn’t have imagined. 

The transition from friends to lovers is a dangerous one. Was it worth possibly ruining the special bond Griffin and I share? Were the feelings returned? I was scared to find the answers to the plethora of questions I possessed. But at the same time, I was intrigued to see how the future would unfold.

I was falling. Falling out of my control; I was now on a roller coaster ride with indistinguishable tracks. All I could do was hope that Griffin would be there to catch me if I fell off.  
He was the light in me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooOooOo intense stuff...enjoy :)

Chapter 4

It was the end of our last day in Paris and Kasey and I were in our hotel room getting ready to leave for the airport. I was in the bathroom, getting changed after my shower. I yanked on my jeans, and discovered that I didn’t have to do much yanking at all. Confused, I looked in the mirror and noticed that the features on my face seemed slightly more prominent than before.   
I had lost weight.  
But how? I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks. Frowning, I finished changing and walked out of the bathroom.  
“Kasey, do you think I’ve lost weight?” I asked her. She glanced up at me.  
“Oh. Me and the boys actually noticed that a couple days ago. We figured it was because you were sick.”   
That made sense. I nodded and went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. But I couldn’t help but be a bit worried. 

***

“I think I see it!” Toby called, as we were standing by the luggage carousel waiting for Toby to collect his bag. Sure enough, it was his bag. He yanked it off the carousel, ready to start walking to the station.   
I felt the all too familiar tickle in my throat, and lifted my hand to my mouth to muffle my cough. However, it seemed to be one of the more intense coughing fits. I felt weak and my head felt fuzzy. I barely registered Griffin guide me to a chair nearby.   
I could vaguely hear my friends asking me if I was okay, but I couldn’t find the energy to answer.  
My coughing was slowly calming down. My body rattled defeatedly with one more cough. I was gradually coming back to my senses, but felt something wet on my hands.   
Still in a daze, I brought them away from my mouth, only to see deep, red blood splattered across my hands.   
I looked up through blurry, terrified eyes, to see my friends worried faces along with faces that I couldn’t recognize. I was wheezing again; working myself up.   
I was so tired.  
The last thing I remember noticing was Griffin’s face above mine, a bright light consuming him. 

***

I woke up surrounded by scratchy sheets, in an unfamiliar room. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized I was in a hospital room. I groaned and tried to sit up.

“Ah, you’re awake, Miss Hunter.” I turned my head to see a doctor standing with my dad at the foot of the hospital bed.   
“Hey, kid. How’re you feeling?” My dad asked with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. There were obvious tear tracks on his cheeks. I could tell that he was trying to come across as much more calm and put together than he actually was.

My throat felt dry and rough and there was an ache in my chest.  
“I’m fine, dad. A bit achey.”   
He smiled sadly and looked down.  
“Strong. Just your mother.” He wiped away a tear. “But this isn’t something you can just brush off, Sarah. You have to be completely honest with us when we ask you how you feel.”  
Confused, I looked at my dad, then the doctor, then back at my dad.   
“What’s wrong with me? This isn’t just a cold is it?”  
My dad was silent.  
“I have an idea on what the problem could be.” The doctor hesitated.  
“You’ve had a cough for a couple weeks now, haven’t you? Quite a persistent one, am I right?”  
I confusedly nodded and explained my experiences in Paris and at the airport.  
The doctor nodded.

“I would like to perform a biopsy, Miss Hunter, to prove my suspicsions.”

***

 

My head was fuzzy and the recognisable ache in my chest had now doubled. 

"Welcome back, Miss Hunter. Your biopsy was successful. Your father and I are just going to step outside for a minute.” The doctor said.   
Confused, and still in a daze, I nodded. My dad smiled at me and stepped out the room.   
I tried to smile back but I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach. Because, from what I’ve seen in the movies, it is never a good sign when the doctor asks your parent to talk outside. 

I couldn’t hear them, but I could just still see them through the small window in the door.   
I saw my dad’s face crumple, and I just knew that I had a big storm coming. 

They came back into the room; my dad had quickly composed himself. 

“I know it’s bad. Just say it. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”  
The doctor sighed and exchanged a look with my dad.

“You have lung cancer, Miss Hunter. Stage one.” The doctor said gravely.  
The world seemed to stop spinning around me as the words sunk in. I suddenly found it incredibly hard to swallow, my throat becoming increasingly dry, and my confidence deflated. 

“Are you-“ I cleared my dry throat, “Are you sure?”  
The doctor assured me, and showed me the x-rays of my lungs, pointing out the tumor.

“The wheezing, the achey chest, the weight loss, coughing blood; all symptoms of lung cancer. I had to perfom a biopsy to confirm it.”  
I didn’t know what to say, however my brain was filled with a million thoughts racing a mile a minute. 

“Since it is Stage 1, the cancer has not yet spread, so the tumor can be removed in a relatively simple surgery. Then, in your case, we would proceed with chemotherapy, to kill the cancer and make sure that it does not return.” The doctor put his hands together.  
"But you must understand that things could go wrong. There is not always a guaranteed success. You must understand that the cancer can come back.”

My dad came over to my bed and put his hand on my shoulder.   
“I think that’s enough for now. Don’t want to overwhelm her.”   
His hands were shaking.   
“Some nurses will come to prepare you for the surgery as soon as the OR is available. I’ll see you on the operating table. Good luck, Miss Hunter.”  
I hardly noticed the doctor leave the room. 

“We’ll be okay, right kid? We’ll get through this.” I was numb to the world. “We have to be strong.” He pulled me into a hug.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you, too.”

***

A couple days after my surgery, I found myself sitting in my bed at home, engrossed in my book. Ironically, this was the only time I’ve had in the past few weeks to actually sit and read my book. Not to be dramatic or anything, but ever since I found out what was wrong with me, I’ve learned to be grateful for the little things. 

The surgery was successful, the tumor was removed. But my journey was far from over; I still had to have chemotherapy. 

On the outside it appeared as though I had recovered from the shock of my illness. But on the inside I was a nervous wreck. You see, I had to remain strong for my dad, for my friends. I thought that if I was okay, they were okay. 

My reading was, yet again, interrupted by a knock on the door. The door opened a little bit and Kasey’s head popped through.   
“Hey, girlie. How’s it hanging?” I montioned for her to come in.   
“I bought you a coffee, I also got you some tea, just incase you wanted to try something different. I know you prefer coffee, but I just thought you might be a bit bored of the taste so I –“  
I slapped my hand across her mouth to stop her from rambling.  
“Kasey! Calm down,” she closed her eyes, sighed, and I removed my hand from her face. 

“I’m okay, Kase. Everything will be okay.” I tried to assure her.

“No, you’re not. And no, it won’t be.” She smiled defeatedly and started crying. “I was trying to stay strong, I really was. But it’s just so hard.”

“Stop! I’m starting to get sick of everyone crying all the time!”   
She looked shocked at my outburst, but her face softened and she put her hand on my knee. 

"You’re right. I’m sorry.” She said. “I just miss you, you know? Riding the subway is so weird without you.” Her eyes sparkled with tears. 

That was when I broke down. I had tried to stay strong. I had not shed one tear yet, but it was like a dam wall had just opened, letting all the water through. I had bottled up my feelings for too long and they were about to be let out. I had had enough. 

"I know I make it seem like I’m handling this well. But I’m not.” My voice was strangled while tears flowed down my cheeks.  
“Every time I go to sleep, I’m terrified that I won’t wake up again,” I hiccupped through my tears.   
“I don’t want to die, Kasey.” I said quietly.   
“There are so many things that I still need to do. So many things that I still need to see, to say.” I felt so overwhelmed.  
“I tried to be strong. I tried to put up a front for you. For everyone. To make it seem like I was okay. But I can’t hold it up by myself. It’s not fair.” I put my head in my hands.

Now Kasey was calming me down. She gently took a hold of my hands and lifted my head up.  
“You’re allowed to cry, Sarah. Just because you cry does not make you weak. You are allowed to be sad.” We were both crying. “You are not on this journey alone. You are surrounded by so much love and support; with you every step of the way.” 

I pulled her into a hug. What did I do to deserve a friend like Kasey? Even though my life sucked right now, I was so grateful for the people in it.  
I scooched over in the bed, making room for Kasey to climb in.

Even though I was uncertain of my future, I was slightly less terrified.


End file.
